Shades of boredom (formally the reeducation of an axman)

I've yet to come home and do anything but complain about work. I am disappointed with my progress there, I haven't , according to the powers that be been the most effective manager, there.
I start the day thinking that everything will turn out just great, we all work well as a team and then the salon owners come in and mess that idea up.
I leave as the clock strikes 7 and ask what happened? I was aiming to leave by 5, I've been there since 8 in the morning and it's not rewarding, and I don't see it becoming so anytime soon. It's now ten to 9 and I don't have any of my homework for school done, I wonder if I get home at a decent time like 6pm would that be enough time? Or would I just stare blankly at a wall dreading what my life has become?
again I see myself at this odd impasse, I want too do well at school...And then procrastination gets the best of me, sometimes I'm just a mess.

M

I've yet to come home and do anything but complain about work. I am disappointed with my progress there, I haven't , according to the powers that be been the most effective manager, there.
I start the day thinking that everything will turn out just great, we all work well as a team and then the salon owners come in and mess that idea up.
I leave as the clock strikes 7 and ask what happend? I was aiming to leave by 5, I've been there since 8 in the morning and it's not rewarding, and I don't see it becoming so anytime soon. it's now ten to 9 and I don't have any of my homework for school done, I wonder if I get home at a decent time like 6pm would that be enough time? or would I just stare blankly at a wall dreading what my life has become?
again I see myself at this odd impass, I want too do well at school...and then procrastination gets the best of me, sometimes I'm just a mess.

M

Friday I actually allowed work to get in the way of school, and I missed a class I am very unhappy about this. but of course it is my fault for letting it happen. On Sunday we came in to work to fix the office space.


The Back story
I was speaking to Ivan just before bed, about my inability or should I say discomfort about being assertive at work. He’s convinced that the minute I am I will find the place enjoy able. While to me another more “Safer” job opportunity might be the way to go. As it is I remain unsure about the job I’m in and weather I wish to remain there or not.
At any point I do see the merits in being assertive.



The dream:

Part a
My father wants me to race him around a track in the autumn, all the leaves are vivid and beautiful I’m a little white boy. I don’t want to race.


Part b
I know that it’s a prison; I’m told that it is.
It’s a long hallway type setting meant to look comfortable and low security.
One of the rooms on the right is meant to be sleeping quarter’s bunk beds the rooms are co-ed as are the bathrooms that are right next to the room with the bunk bed.
Some people are there sleeping,
They begin to try to convince me that this place is a prison.
And that what is all around me is an illusion.
They say to me and a friend? Who happens to be next to me that we are not truly educated and that what ever education we did have? Was purposely geared towards remaining in this prison, it seemed very “Matrix”.
We walked out of the room past the billiards room, and a room with a TV to a guarded door where I apologized profusely and mentioned that I just wanted to briefly see the light of day. As we turned away a young femme Latin boy showed up at the door, he was quickly beaten to a bloody mess by one of the guards.
I’m somehow on the floor next to him, unhurt but morning his death.

We had this woman at work leave today, she's been with the company a full 6 months now, wow what a veteran...wonder if I made the right choice...alas too late now... I really hope that that freaking check is worth it.

Work, can't complain... But I will. I like it sort of, sometimes. I like it when the boss isn't there and work gets done and it doesn't get more complicated than it already is.
I like it when something gets accomplished and I don't feel like a dunce.
There I moments when I almost wish that I were still unemployed...But those are just moments.
There are times when I say to my self, self if another opportunity comes along...Take it!
I'm annoyed that I get in at 8am and don't leave till 6 or 7. This check better be worth it, it's a pity that I won't see it until two weeks from now.
I'm convinced that they'll walk in and say...Sorry kid you're just not working out,everytime they look at me.
That's not saying that the work isn't appreciated, I'm told that it is...Though I don't quite know how to take my bosses compliments... They're almost uncomfortable..."I like your shirt"..."Thanks for sweeping the floors"..."That's a nice necklace"...."You've got a nice ass" ok, he never said that last one but I swear! Then there's his girlfriend and co-owner of this business... She's well known and I won't say where I work here for fear of getting fired... There are times that I get this chill when she comes in I feel there's a chill that comes down my spine when she comes in to the room. She's another one that I swear will scream "off with his head"! anyday now. Did I mention that this was my first week?
Stop it now, this is normal really... I hear this about everyone not happy with their job... And I guess what I'm really saying is that I am unsure what I really feel about this job, no...Wait I do know what I feel and what I feel is fear...That cold heart thumping "your gonna wake up screaming any moment now" fear.
There was the alternative, I could have gone placidly in to the realm of customer service again and hated that even more.

School....ah a visit from my old friend fatigue and his close buddy procrastination... Ivan has been really good about kicking me out of the room and saying go do homework.
in fact he said it about 30 minutes ago... Then I find some really interesting website or worship the porcelain god for an hour and feign shock when the clock strikes Twelve and it's time for bed because if I don't sleep now well I'll be a zombie at work and we can't have that since I only have a 15-30 minute break in my day... I'm sure that there is a law against this somewhere...Another reason not to mention where I work, as it's still a smallish business. That said I've neglected all but one of the homework for my classes and am TOTALLY unprepared for tomorrows class.
What was I thinking? I applied for Sociology, psychology, and Wide area Networks everything started out so optimistic, that is until that Sociology teacher gave us Four chapters to read and 4 separate projects due for the next class... No problem if I were still sitting home playing with the cat. WAN, seems to be a cruel joke, I tape the class, I never intend on listening to the recording but the first 3 hours are spent listening to life stories from the professor and nothing on the text until about the last 30 mins of class, just when I ran out of tape. Look I'm fascinated by the nuggets of wisdom that come from the stories but even he admits that he is going to test us on the text book...Which I've had all this time to read... So now as I approach 12am it's time for bed again...<>

BBspot - Which OS Are You?: "
Which OS are You?"

this was the first day of a new job for me, and I should be in bed now...good night